SAT写作题目解析：埃及宝藏

　　文章结构

　　P1-P3提出问题----掠夺埃及文物会对该国经济与人民造成严重危害，而这一问题也需要引起国际社会的重视。

　　P4-P7说明问题----通过“二分法”说明一方面文物买卖问题严峻，另一方面文物掠夺问题严重。

　　P8-P9 解决问题----国际社会诸多相关方应该同心协力保护埃及文物。通过对全文行文结构的梳理不难发现，本文是可以写全文Reasoning的。但是考虑到考场时间有限，更多的考生可能更愿意选取局部Reasoning来写，下面就结合三大类写作手法，来为同学们在手法选择方面提供一些有价值的参考。

　　手法选取

　　Evidence

　　Example：P4&P5----大量埃及文物被非法买卖;P7:----文物盗窃异常猖獗;

　　Historical Fact：P6---埃及政府与人民曾为文物保护做出过的伟大努力。

　　Reasoning

　　Contrast：P5----虽然文物非法买卖遭到埃及政府的限制，但是很多国际拍卖行仍然在继续对文物的拍卖行为。P6----虽然埃及政府努力打击掳掠文物的行为，但是偷盗行文依然严峻，需要更多努力进行抵制。

　　Persuasive Elements

　　diction：文章出现很多词汇或短语体现该问题的重要性，如： “lifeblood” in P1; “Steal from our children” in P2; “And with much of our history still waiting to be discovered under the sand, the potential losses are staggering.” In P3 等等

　　Pathos: 本文是感情较为“充沛”的文章，但是学生较为集中的选择了文章结尾部分，及P8&P9来分析情感共鸣。

　　梳理了全文较为突出的一些手法后，来看一篇8/6/8分的考场作文，一起找出这篇文章的改进方案。

　　Sample Essay score 8 / 6 / 8

　　Archaeological history is an important and crucial element of Egypt’s future. The passage strongly urges the reader to take action in protecting the cultural Artifacts of Egypt. The writer Mohamed Ibrahim want the reader to understand the loss of cultural heritage that Egypt is suffering, and in persuading the audience to feeling the importance of protecting these cultural heritages. The writer accomplishes this goal by a variety of methods such as usage of statistics, evidences, various persuasive techniques, and so on.

　　The writer made use of strong supporting evidence throughout the paragraphs. The author mentioned stolen artifacts from “the tomb of King Amenhotep III” have been withdrew from an auction in London. The writer later on mentioned the auction in Jerusalem was also canceled, and saved 12b antiquities. All of these events are evidences that the writer wanted to show to address to the fact that these losses of artifacts can lead to the down fall of Egypt’s archeological history. The writer also mentioned the 2011 revolution in Egypt and “more than 50 items” still remain missing. All of these are concrete facts of what happened in the past. “Aug.14 attack” also support the writer’s claim on the situation’s urgency. Mentioning of numbers such as “1000 items were missing” and “statues more than 3,500 years old”. All of these facts and evidence further candidates the writer’s argument, that the security measurements are need to be taken to secure these artifacts.

　　The writer made use of pathos throughout the article, as well as many other persuasive devices. The writer used first person like “our” or “we”, and this provokes a patriotic sense of feeling among the audience. Word choices such as “they” targets directly to a group of individuals that steal and sell these antiquities, and this can achieve a feeling of anger among the readers. The writer also had appeal to ethos in the passage, “other auction houses have been unwilling to cooperate with requests to delay…” this set up the ethical choices for readers to consider on whether that having auctions of these national artifacts would be appropriate. Strong words such as “defend”, “stealing”, “fighting”, “civilization”, and so on. All of these words allow a sense of national warty to be established in the article. The writer’s appeal to logos was also very strong. In the first part, the writer emphasized on Egypt’s tourism business, and not protecting these cultural artifacts will inevitably lead to “40 million Egyptians” at the age of “30” or younger no finding any opportunity. The usage of metaphor in describe the people as a “human shield” allows a very strong image to be carved into the readers’ mind, leaving strong impression.

　　The passage first introduce the topic, and as something that is long terming to the general public. Loss of cultural heritage means loss of tourism. The writer followed it up by a series of evidences and supporting materials. The cultural heritage is truly an important aspect of Egyptian culture and nation, and it should be unignored by the people.

　　从分数中就能看出本文属于高分文章中的“残文”。Reading 与Writing两个角度拿到满分，说明考生对于全文理解与解读正确且写作功底较为到位。但是我们现在需要重点来分析一下本文在Analysis维度失分的具体原因：

　　文章只有两个主体段，不符合咱们推荐的“五段式”;

　　两个主体段直观说明三大类写作手法没有全覆盖，缺少了Reasoning这个角度。请大家一定注意，如果缺少手法类别，分析不会超过6分!

　　在第一个主体段中，考生几乎是在通过罗列的方式向阅卷老师展示自己找到的论据。虽然较为全面，但如果我们仔细阅读会发现，该考生找到每一处论据后都没有具体分析这一论据对于读者、文章结构与主旨方面的影响。因此在文章手法挑选的过程中，我们切记“贪多嚼不烂”。可以允许考生在一个主体段中就一个写作手法选择两处文内具体的体现，即我们在课堂上讲解的段内分层结构。但是分层结构不建议超过两层，不然大家在有限的时间内就会出现泛泛而谈的现象，反而在分析维度造成失分。

　　在第二个主体段中，建议考生可以选择pathos、ethos、logos其中一点具体展开，而不要又出现了“面面俱到”但分析不深入的现象。尤其是选择pathos这个角度时，可以对readers具体进行分类，探讨不同相关方的不同阅读体悟。切忌“蜻蜓点水，点到为止”的分析方式。

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