SAT写作修改示例及高分关键点拨

SAT学生习作修改：Is it necessary to question the authority?

　　分析：本文是2006年10月考题，先根据题目做思维练习。

　　本文作者写的是黑人争夺民权，就此考虑文章中要细化的内容。

　　Authority--- who? 本文是the white people

　　Question the authority--- why? （因为白人欺负黑人太甚了） How? （开会，选领导，搞抗议）

　　Result ---（废除了公共汽车法）

　　学生文章分析

　　开头段：

　　1Every person makes mistakes, as well as the authority. 2That’s why it is important to insist your own idea when authority is wrong. 3Development of people’s society is usually associated with challenging the authority.

　　问题：句一太松散；句二词组误用，缺定冠词；句三和句二之间有些跳跃，意思上理解应该是挑战权威的结果；首段缺少明确的观点和对下文的提示。

　　修改：1 I cannot agree more with the saying, 2for the authority, like common people, are likely to make mistakes or act unreasonably on some occasions. 3At that moment, the public is supposed to, at the risk of offending the authority, insist on his own belief for the further development of the society. 4Next I will take the example of __Rosa Park_____ to illustrate/substantiate my point.

　　开头段要素：1.回答问题，2、3 解释为什么是这个答案，4.结构提示，下面举什么例子。

　　中间段

　　第一步：指出谁是权威。

　　In 20 century, white people in the USA discriminated against the black, 1especially in the south. There were signs which said ‘no colored allowed, whites only’ everywhere. And black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

　　问题：句子较为松散，并且没有非常明确地点出“权威是白人”这个概念。

　　修改：

　　In the early 1960s of the United States, it is the white who held the ultimate authority(点题) in various kinds of affairs, including the policy towards the black, whom they discriminated against. That’s why signs saying “no colored allowed, whites only” could be spotted almost everywhere. However, as the inferior group, most black people tended to accept the unfavorable status quo until they year of 1955.

第二步：开始营造question 权威的的原因和过程。

　　On December 1st, 1955, it was a common day in Montgomery. Alabama Rosa Parks, who 1was a black woman working hard and did well in her job, took the bus （to go） home and found a seat behind the ‘white section’. When the bus stopped at a stop, 6 white people boarded the bus. The bus driver asked those black riders to give their seats for the white passengers as usual. 3 black people stood up immediately, but Rosa refused2. And Rosa refused again when the driver asked her to give up her seat one more time. 3Then the driver called the police. Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen, charged of violating the city bus ordinance.

　　问题：

　　1在SAT语法中，and 这个词的左右对等问题是大家要特别注意的。其次white section 也没有交代清楚，容易引起困惑。大家可能觉得很奇怪，写给美国人看，需要交代得那么清楚吗，他们肯定知

道啦。如果这样想就违反了写作reader-friendly的宗旨。出现特殊概念，要同位语或从句解释，这样才符合官方指南中connect to the audience的目的。

　　2处最大的问题在于逻辑,拒绝出现的比较突然。

　　为什么她不愿让座，因为她内心觉得黑人和白人应该是一样的，可以拥有相同权利，这是为什么挑战的原因。

　　3处也有一点突兀，如要要改建议加上报警的原因，因为驾驶员生气或是觉得权威被挑战Angered by her refusal, the bus driver called the police。

　　修改：

　　突出挑战过程，增加细节，参考维基百科http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks

　　In Montgomery, the first four rows of bus seats were reserved for white people. Though black people could sit in the middle rows when there was vacancy, they had to move to seats in the rear, stand, or, if there was no room, leave the bus when the white section was full.（这也是一种白人是权威细节） But on December 1st, 1955, Alabama Rosa Parks, a tired black woman, got on a bus heading for her home after a day’s hard work. She paid her fare and sat in an empty seat in the first row of back seats reserved for blacks in the "colored" section, which was near the middle of the bus and directly behind the ten seats reserved for white passengers. . As the bus traveled along its regular route, all of the white-only seats in the bus filled up. The bus reached the third stop in front of the Empire Theater, and several white passengers boarded. So, following standard practice, bus driver Blake noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three men standing, and thus moved the "colored" section sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. And the other three people moved, but she didn't and said to herself, “I would have to know for once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen."（这是挑战的原因） The driver then added, "Why don't you stand up?”Parks responded, "I don't think I should have to stand up." And he said, 'Well, if you don't stand up, I'm going to have to call the police and have you arrested.' I said, 'you may do that.'' （这一段在描绘她是怎么挑战的。可以通过对话加强真实感，这是满分作文经常用的套路）

　　Soon Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen and was later charged with a violation of Chapter 6, Section 11 segregation law of the Montgomery City code

　　第三步：挑战权威之后带来的benefits。

　　This news spread through the black community. 1People felt it was the time for them to do something. After a conversation with several ministers and civic leaders, the group decided to organize a boycott. On the next Monday, the boycott succeeded----no black people took buses in Montgomery, which 2made they decide to continue the action. 3People formed an organization call MIA, and elect Martin Luther King as their president.

　　问题：1 这句话太空了，而且和前文的逻辑关系也不是很清楚，建议加上Rosa的举动鼓励大家团结起来争取利益。

　　2 应该改成make them decide to…不过值得一提的是make 这个单词实在是比较土了，建议换成enable sb. to do. sth./或是render sb. adj 这两个概念。

　　3 继续行动，和建立组织之间严格说来还有一个小步骤，也就是为了让行动更有效果，建立了……

　　修改：

　　The imprisonment of Rosa Park discouraged and infuriated the black, who had been swallowing their anger before this incident. This time they were stimulated to rebel, rescuing the brave woman Rosa Park and more importantly wining their equal rights as an American citizen. Their plan of challenging the white（点题,引出如何进一步挑战） began with a conference composed of several ministers and civic leaders, who decided to organize a boycott among the black, namely, refusing to ride the city’s buses until they were treated with the level of courtesy they expected, until black drivers were hired, and until seating in the middle of the bus was handled on a first-come basis. Moreover, in order to win the battle more effectively, the black formed an organization call MIA and elected Martin Luther King as their president. Their protest lasted over a year, ending when the United States Supreme Court ordered Montgomery to abolish the bus law. （这是挑战之后的成果，废除了公交法）

　　第四步：例子论述结束，进行议论，把观点和例子结合起来。

　　If those black people had never fought for their rights, they would still sit 1on the back of the bus, and 2they had to give up their seats whenever white people ask. 3If they had not challenged the white people, who are authority to them, they might still live at the bottom of society.

　　问题：这个议论写得还是比较精彩的，用的是虚拟语气，从句和过去相反，主句和现在相反。

　　1 处有问题，坐在汽车后部？ Take a seat in the back of the bus.

　　2 处的they had to 和之前的they would sit 并不是完全对等，我们可以改成： They would have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. 其次if 如果做虚拟，可以做结构省略，had those black people never fought for…

　　3 生活在社会底层这个表达还是略有点中式。

　　Had they never challenged their authority, the white, they might still live at the foot of the social ladder.

　　4 还有一个小问题就是在不写结尾段的情况下，建议在议论部分明确的把你的观点再重申一下。

　　修改：

　　Had Rosa Park never refused to give up her seat（概括例子）, the black would still have to take a seat in the back of the bus and give up their seats when the white section was full. Had Rosa Park never challenged the authority for equal rights, the black might still live at the foot of the social ladder.

　　Thus, it is imperative to question the authority behaving irrationally. （重述观点）

　　全文总结：

　　1 SAT作文的开头段三步走，一明确指出观点，二解释为什么，三做出结构提示，即下文举什么例子。

　　2 中间段的例子主要由论述和议论组成。

　　论述过程中要围绕观点来展开，分析好题目之后确定要细化的内容。本文要细化的是权威的所指，为什么挑战，怎么挑战以及挑战之后的结果。

　　议论指的是把例子简单总结，结合观点。

　　3 高分关键：1）细节充实；2） 逻辑清楚；3） 语言准确。

　　其中第一点是可以短期提高的，给大家提供一些参考书：《维基百科》、《美国历史重大事件及著名人物》（郝澎）（此书是中英对照） 、《外教社人物传记丛书》（英汉对照）。 后者是我强烈

建议的，内容短小精悍，包括了很多熟悉的人物，比如比尔·盖茨、戴妃、莎翁、泰格·伍兹等等。大家可以选取1-2本，一边看一边做摘录，同时多做思维练习。

　　4 Practice makes perfect. 相比阅读部分，作文部分的提高还是很快的，大家把题目分好类之后，按类别准备例子，然后限时练习。

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