名师对SAT考试10分作文分段点评第三篇（2）

2015-05-21 20:30:59来源：网络

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　　新东方在线为大家整理了名师对SAT考试10分作文分段点评第三篇的相关内容，供考生们参考，以下是详细内容。

　　主体段一：

As we know, Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be a sportsman in Austria. He was very rewarding in his field and in his country, but he did not stop here. He came to America. In this brand new country, he restarted his career and tended to achieve more.

　　作者举了施瓦辛格的例子，并且一开始就非常明确地说施瓦辛格move from one place to another，从奥地利来到了美国。这一点是非常好的，对题目中的关键词就是要这么直接纯粹地点出来。

　　When he arrived in America, he found that this country offered him new opportunities and a much bigger view. He found the opportunity to become an actor. Although he got strong Austrian accent, he did not choose to give up. He practiced his lines from morning to end: when he waked up in the morning, he would firstly practice the worlds and read some English poems; during day time when he was at the acting site, he would murmur the lines again and again; before he went to bed, he would recite a famous speech to end his day.

　　接下来，作者用非常具体，非常详细的语言，叙述了在这种新环境中施瓦辛格是如何努力的。一个疯狂弥补自己缺陷的施瓦辛格跃然纸上。这又是作者的一大优点。这种细节性的描写，正是英文写作中需要重点养成的一个习惯。笼统的概括永远没有充实的事实来得更有说服力。

　　Through all those efforts, he became an extremely famous actor and his movie Terminal won him both reputation and fortune.

　　施瓦辛格成功了。

　　Let us suppose that Arnold had not chosen to come to America, would he be so famous and well-remembered as he is now? Clearly not. So we can conclude that it is because that Arnold had moved from one place to another that he was able to seek more opportunities and attain achievements. Clearly he must be happier now, because he achieved so much.

　　作者带领读者进行假设，说如果施瓦辛格没有来到新的地方是不可能如此成功的，而且作者机智地在最后将成功和题目中的happy联系起来了。优点和缺点都很明显。优点是对题目中的另一个关键词体现到位了，缺点则是在假设之后还是没有告诉读者，为什么来到新环境之后他就成功了。

　　纵观本段，作者犯的还是我们前面说的问题，对事件的原因没有足够的分析。的确，主人公转移了环境，主人公也变得happier，但是这是为什么呢?读完本段之后，读者还是只知其然而不知其所以然，这就反映了作者critical thinking上的局限了。其实，作者大可以根据本段主人公的事实，把转移环境能让人幸福的原因说成：新环境中蕴藏着新的挑战，而这种挑战虽然会给我们带来困难，但是这种困难恰恰是我们在新环境中奋斗的动力，带领我们走向更高的成就。把这个大的逻辑就在开头段给出观点后直接分析出来，在本段的假设中也可以去假设如果他没有来到美国，他就得不到成功的契机并因此为其付出巨大努力，最后自然不可能成功，把这一逻辑也包含到假设中去。这样，文章的思维能力自然就体现出来了。

　　以上就是新东方在线为大家总结的名师对SAT考试10分作文分段点评第三篇的相关内容，希望对大家有所帮助，最后预祝大家在SAT考试中取得优异的成绩!

　　---本文节选自新东方在线论坛

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