名师对SAT考试11分作文分段点评

2015-05-21 20:35:06来源：网络

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　　新东方在线为大家整理了名师对SAT考试11分作文分段点评的相关内容，供考生们参考，以下是详细内容。

　　FDR, the 32nd president of the United States once states that “only the people who have certain character are able to achieve success.” Although his statement sounds very definitive, I strongly believe in him. I would hazard that only people who are brave and steadfast are able to be successful. Therefore, it is valid that the person’s character does determine that person’s success in life.

　　开头段有多种方法，很多同学都知道，引用名言是阅卷老师非常青睐的一种引入方法，但是总觉得好的引言可遇而不可求。韩同学在本篇开头，巧用美国总统罗斯福的名言，切名言切中要害，回应主题，令人拍手称快。其实大家不必对于名人名言太过谨慎保守，大可敢于运用，阅卷老师更看重的是你的思路，而不会纠缠你是否写得完全正确，甚至编写一则名言也是可以大胆使用的方法。

　　One compelling example that illustrates the ideas that people’s characters determine their success is the story of Django Rehart, who is very determined. Django, a gospy guitarist, who single-handedly created a new style of jazz music, has been revered and imitated without cease since his death in 1954. In his case, single-handed is not just lip service since his left hand was severely crippled in a fire—only two fingers in his fingering still had full functionality. Encountered such an unfair fate, Django is able to achieve success because of her character, that is he never gave up. It seemed like he will never play the guitar again. However, facing the predicament of life, he didn’t give up. Bedridden for 18 months, Django kept practicing systematically, and he worked out a way to deal the plight, that is, how to play the guitar with merely two fingers left. Although he met lots of troubles while practicing, his brave and firm character helped him to get over everything. He ultimately created a new fingering system that became popular around the whole world. Examining Djago’s story closely, we can clearly see that it is his brave and firm character that contribute most to his success.

　　韩同学在开头段落中，细化character，提出具备brave & steadfast性格的人更容易获得成功。接下来的两个例子分别详细阐述了，这样性格的人分别怎样在人生中攀上巅峰。在第一个Body段落中，韩同学使用了残疾吉它手Django Rehart的故事，讲述了这位音乐家如何从逆境中走出，创新了音乐的表现形式，用两根手指继续自己的音乐生涯，谱写了一曲不屈服与命运的赞歌。这个段落既有创新，也有逆境，很容易写跑偏，或者事实部分出现一些冗余。但是韩同学没有游离主题，让主人公勇敢和笃定性格在逆境的波折中展现出来，让主人公的创新成为他坚持的结果，没有失去对于细节的驾驭，反而更好地呈现出了人物的性格与最终获取成功的关系。这也与开头部分FDR的名言相呼应，美国的这位伟大的总统，不也正是在逆境中让人们见识到他卓越的才能和过人的勇气吗。

　　Another example that validates the theme that a person’s character determines his or her success is the legend of Liz, the hero in the movie “Homeless to Harvard”. Liz has her prototype in the real life and she shares the same character, which is brave and firm, with Django. Liz never felt love in her childhood. Her father is a drug addict and her mom dies of Aids when Liz was only 4 years old. Facing the predicament of life, Liz never got frustrated or gave up since she is a brave and firm young lady. When she entered high school, she decided to change her fate by her own hands, even with the mock from people around her. Instead of advertising her plight, she spent 2 years finishing a 5-year-curriculum; instead of complaining her poor financial states, she did 4 part-time jobs simultaneously to support her life and studies; instead of mourning about her black future, she speared no effort to learn and absorb. Suprisingly, Harvard University, the academic Eden of the world accepted her with full scholarship. Like Liz’s own words, “I know what kind of person I am, I am brave and I am steadfast. That is my secret to my success.” Clearly, from both the examples of Django and Liz, it is appropriate to say that character does determine one’s success in life.

　　由于篇幅有限，韩同学的结尾段落和第二个Body段落合在了一起，但这并没有影响阅卷老师对于韩同学高分的认可。在第二个例子中，韩同学举了“风雨哈佛路”的电影中Liz的例子。这部电影相信很多同学都看过，情节也并不难记，但是韩同学很清晰地呈现了主人公性格与最终命运的关联。这个段落中，值得可圈可点的两点：(1)过渡。文章的第二个例子并没有很突兀的出现，而是很好的和第一个例子进行了结合和联系。这是一种圆滑的写法，让人读起来更加舒服，而且有一气呵成的感觉。(2)排比。对于文章的修辞而言，排比无疑是大家比较能够掌握的一种方法，不仅可以造成气势，而且能够展现写作功力，何乐而不为。在这个漂亮的排比中，韩同学也淋漓尽致地表现了Liz的勇敢和坚韧。本来是一个很平常的例子，但是这个排比绝对为这篇文章增色不少。而且值得一提的是，在文章接近尾声，时间不太够用的情况下还能够使用排比，也展现了作者一定的写作功力。

　　11分的作文，对于很多同学而言，都认为是可遇不可求的。但是在我们陆续分享的11分作文中，其实可以看到这些高分作文共同的特点：(1)充实的细节;(2)丰富有力的论证;(3)流畅的语言。希望更多的同学在这些高分的基础上，能够再接再厉，冲刺属于自己的SAT作文高分，加油!

　　以上就是新东方在线为大家总结的名师对SAT考试11分作文分段点评的相关内容，希望对大家有所帮助，最后预祝大家在SAT考试中取得优异的成绩!

　　---本文节选自新东方在线论坛

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