名师对SAT考试12分作文分段点评（2）

2015-05-21 20:37:55来源：网络

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　　新东方在线为大家整理了名师对SAT考试12分作文分段点评的相关内容，供考生们参考，以下是详细内容。

　　第二段：

　　Nicholas James Vujicic, delivers speeches all around the world and gains a sense of self-fulfillment. 【第一个例子的主题句，很好的总结了段落主旨：Nicholas通过在世界各地做演讲，实现了自己的满足感。这个主体句很好的重复了题目中的关键词，“all around the world” 和“self-fulfillment”对应着题目中的2个关键词“move from one place to another” 和”happier”.】

　　Nicholas Vujicic is a preacher and motivational speaker who was born with tetra-amela, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. Throughout his childhood, he was constantly smeared at as a monster and trash by people in his community who thought that he would never achieve anything but to be a liability to his family. 【这一部分描述了Nicholas 在自己原本的那个community的生活状况，主要通过残疾的身体状况和其他人的嘲笑来突出unhappy, 其中作者使用了“community”这个关键词，但是如果能出现”unhappy”这个词将会让读者觉得更加切题。】

　　Despite all these harsh statements, Vujicic held an optimist attitude towards his life and future, believing that as long as he dedicated enough efforts, God would not fail him. He embraced his disability, actively participated in sports and managed to take care of his own daily activities such as brushing teeth and picking up phones on his own. 【这一部分描写的是Nicholas坚强的面对这种生活的不幸，并逐渐锻炼自己的独立生活能力。有些同学可能认为这一部分属于无关信息，因为和moving还有happiness 是没有任何关系的。但是，如果删除这一部分，直接由上文中的“身体残疾受到别人嘲笑”过渡到“毕业后开始世界旅行演讲激励别人”，是不是显得很突兀?正是这一部分的描述，为下文做了铺垫，因为Nicholas 有这种乐观的态度，所以才在毕业后作出了travel and deliver speeches 的决定。】

　　After graduation, he started his travel as a motivation speaker throughout the globe, giving speeches to over 2 million people in twelve different countries on four continents, focusing on topics about hope, struggle and searching meaning for life. Eventually he transcended his disabilities and started an organization ‘life without limbs’—to inspire others, gaining respect from others as well as happiness. 【Nicholas具体的action以及achievement，其中又再次通过“in twelve different countries on four continents” 和“ gaining respect from others as well as happiness.” 重复了题目中的关键词。】

　　If he had not moved out the community he used to belong, he would have been severly influenced by the disdainful words others gave him despite his strong mind. By traveling around the globe and delivering speech, he pursued his true passion about life and became self-fulfilled. As for common people, they should be obliged to move from one place to another, expand their view and thus gain happiness. 【这是引申议论的部分，前半部分再次重申了move to other places对于Nicholas获取true passion 和self-fulfillment的重要作用。后半部分引申到了common people也应该通过迁移到不同地方而获得happiness.】

　　根据题目，这个例子的展开套路可以是：

　　Step 1: he was unhappy in his community because….

　　Step 2: he moved to another community for the sake of….

　　Step 3: In the new community, he devoted his efforts in….

　　Step 4: Finally, he gained happiness by achieving ….which he would never achieve in the original community

　　我们再回顾一下作者的这个例子段落，展开的逻辑脉络完全符合这个套路。

　　1. 尼克因为残疾而在原本的生活环境中受到别人的嘲笑。(但是他仍然持有乐观的态度，坚信能够改变现状)

　　2. (因此)毕业后就开始了环球旅行演讲，为的就是通过鼓励别人寻找到真正的快乐。

　　3. 在环球旅行过程中，他谈论希望，谈论拼搏，谈论寻找生命的意义，给很多人带来的灵感和激励。

　　4. (最终，)他通过给别人带来的希望而获取了一种满足感，很happy.

　　5. (引申议论)，因此，不搬离原来地方，他就无法获得这种happiness, 所以普通人也要这么做，来获得幸福快乐。

　　以上就是新东方在线为大家总结的名师对SAT考试12分作文分段点评的相关内容，希望对大家有所帮助，最后预祝大家在SAT考试中取得优异的成绩!